skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Hello gorgeous.[WARNING] this blog is just a bunch of rambling.
What is love?
Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me (Cue techno music and strobe lights)
I think that "What is love?" is one of those timeless questions that has been asked for years and years before us, and will continue to be asked after us. And the answers to it are infinite depending on the person asking!
Some would say that God is love, and that you never really can experience it until you have found him. Others may say that love is something you share with someone you really care about. Or maybe love is having a circle of people whether it be friends or family, who you can trust and you know really care about you.
Maybe love is just like a home, and it is where your heart is. Maybe love is realizing that all you ever wanted or needed was always right in front of you in one particular person. Or it could be that all you ever needed was yourself.
Love could be giving someone a second chance after they've hurt and disappointed you. Maybe love is admitting to yourself and everyone around you that you never really stopped caring about a guy or girl. Maybe love is something you find in material things; maybe love is a shopping spree. Maybe love is concluding that the spark you thought you saw in someone is gone now.
Some people would say that love is a recreational activity (like writing in my case), maybe dancing, singing, basketball or fashion. Maybe love is leaving someone behind, not because you don't care about them anymore but maybe realizing that they have been holding you back. Love could be quitting that bad habit, whether it is smoking, drugs, drinking, etc. Maybe love is being rejected again and again until you finally found someone who wants you. Maybe love is changing for someone you really care about, perhaps it is accepting someone just as they are.
Maybe love is sitting at home on a Saturday afternoon and laughing at a memory. Could it be never forgetting someone that has passed on? Instead of throwing your hands up and saying "fuck it!"--maybe love is clasping those hands with those of another and working it out. Is love sharing your body with someone and having sex with them? Maybe love is the beauty and splendor of child birth. Could love be getting the guts to tell someone that you really care about them or like them? Is love at first sight, or is it a gradual feeling that happens over time?
Is love really simple--or maybe it is complicated; is it the duality of both? Is love ever wrong? Does it ever hurt? If it does, do you withstand the pain or walk away from it? Do you fight those feelings you thought you suppressed so well, or should you give in to them? Is love forgiving all the people that have hurt you and moving on with life? Is it being charitable and having humility? Is love never missing church in 7 years? Is love dedication? Is love giving or receiving--or perhaps, is it both?
The answers are as limitless as the questions. But maybe love is none of these things, perhaps love is in discovery. And maybe you never really will know what it is, unless you conquer your fears and go out to seek it.
Later my little monsters!
Mikey was HERE.
Hello gorgeous.Summer '09, its looking mighty good wouldn't you agree? The heat, the events, the people--summer so far has proved to be quite fabulous! Despite its ups and downs, whether they be personal and individual, or global like the loss of the great Michael Jackson, summer still pushes on and it still feels good!
So the topic of this blog came to me while I was at San Francisco Pride '09 with some friends at the end of June.What defines the good life once we all "grow up" and get older? And are the things that are thought to compose the good life what we really want, or what society has advertised and brainwashed us into believing we should want? The things that would compose this so-called good life would be a man and woman getting married, driving a decent car, living in a nice house, having children, and having stable careers. Many people strive to achieve this life or are taught to at least want it--but what happens if you don't want it or anything like it?
Generally if you do not want this life, don't get it or at least some part of it by a certain age then society says something has to be wrong with you! I talked to several individuals and most people of my generation do not entirely want this illusion of a good life. So is there something wrong with them? Should they be condemned for not wanting the popular perception of the ideal life? I personally do not see myself getting married when I get older. I am not bitter towards marriage; I believe marriage can be beautiful when two people truly love one another and want to grow old together, but I don't think that's for me. Children I could see myself maybe adopting, and as for a home I don't see myself living in one place for long periods of time. Am I wrong for not wanting to live the life society says I should?
Even as children we are taught to be housewives and macho men. We are given baby dolls to encourage motherhood, and foot balls and toy guns to roughen us up. But what if you're a little boy who does not have a crush on the girl next door but instead has a thing for the other boy up the street? Or what if you're a female in your twenties who would rather establish your career first instead of chasing a man to succumb to being a wife or some body's baby mama? I think that the people of my generation are not necessarily ignoring the principles our parents and many people before us tried to instill in us, but I think we are going out into the world and inventing our own. Marriage, family, and stability are beautiful principles that have been perpetuated by society and those before us, however I do not see the harm in young people today stepping up to plate to make our own rules and define ourselves. Perhaps there is nothing wrong with anyone wanting the "good life" by wanting to be married, living in a house with a white picket fence, with a few little rascals running around. But maybe there also is nothing wrong with a woman wanting to spend her life with another woman, or a man traveling the world instead of being tied down to a wife with kids--we should not let society label it a wrong or bad life, but just a different one.
At the end of the day, we are the rulers of our lives. Too many leaders and individuals before us have stepped outside the box to not break the rules but invent their own--and it is their examples we should model ourselves after. We live in an age where gay men can look better than some females, women can run corporations and businesses, people with no musical talent can still have fans and make money, and the president of the United States can be a man of color; who the hell says we can't live our lives the way want to?! Maybe the "good life" is not what society says it should be, but it is whatever we want it to be based on our own happiness.
Later my little monsters!
Mikey was HERE.
Hello gorgeous.Summer surely is here and it hot as hell! I can't complain too much, however individuals such as my self with darker skin tend to curse the heat--we always get darker! Then again the saying goes, "the darker the berry the sweeter the juice"--but I think some dark skinned fool just made that up to feel good about himself!
Anyway, I was talking with my best friend earlier this week and we were discussing how it felt like our pasts were becoming too overwhelming in our present. Whether it was particular individuals or situations, the past seemed to be getting a little too close for comfort in our current lives. Which sprouted into a question and the birth of this blog: what are you supposed to do when your past is so vividly apart of your present?
Well I think "the past" needs to have its own definition in order for me to further elaborate! To me, the past is only really the past when the situations or people from it no longer linger around in the present. For example, can you really say someone you used to date is in "your past" if you never stop thinking about, missing, loving, or resenting them? Or can you say that you are over someone you used to be friends with if the hurt, animosity or guilt never gets resolved? Are the things that happened weeks, months, or years ago ever really over if there is never any completion?
Perhaps the things that happened before can not be labeled as "the past" if there is never any closure. If we end a situation, friendship or relationship and still carry around the baggage up to now, are we being true to ourselves to say it is over? Generally when people say something is in "the past" they mainly mean that they are over it, or have been trying to move on. But if there was never any resolution or completion how the hell can you move on?! Where are you going to go, except in one big circle? A story is not really a story with a beginning and no ending.
Personally there are numerous situations and relationships that I have been involved in and I can say that they are in the past--mainly because I sincerely am over and done with it. I do not carry around any excess baggage, unresolved feelings, or animosity. I have personally taken the time out to resolve it internally within myself, or externally with the other person, and I have moved on! But I have to be fair and say that there are things that I am not entirely over; things or people that I still resent and I can not say these things are in the past because they are still apart of my present life. Whether I think about it rarely or every day, they have not come full circle and therefore are not over.
So if the past is so vividly entwined with your present, maybe it is for a reason! I am a person about progression and advancement--therefore holding grudges are pointless to me. No I am not perfect, which means I am not the best at forgiving and letting go, but I sure as hell aim to be! To say that you forgive someone means to except the person and the situation for what it is and to really let it all go. So many of us tell ourselves lies that we are over things that we really are not, and then we wonder why we can't ever be happy, keep a stable relationship, and attract so much negativity. If things are still unresolved, we most likely need to address them so we can grow and move on. If it is meant to still be in our lives then it will prove just that, and if it does not it is up to us to finish that story so it can finally come to its ending. I know I have a few stories that I need to finish, and I plan on closing each and every one. Besides, what else is there to do in this heat?!
Later my little monsters!
Mikey was HERE.
Hello gorgeous.
This Tuesday I returned from a mini vay-cay to a resort in the Bay Area. It was refreshing and allowed me to rest my mind, and also prepare it for the busy summer that is awaiting me!
Yesterday (Thursday) I hosted a small get together with some friends for a last minute barbecue my brother decided to have. 3 of my female friends came over, and we had a fairly good time. And it is practically inevitable that three girls and a gay guy left in a room would soon commence to gossiping and putting our jaws to work. And amongst the many things we have in common, one of the main things just so happens to be our problems, issues, and mishaps with men.
I find it rather sad that of our little quartet that any of us are having problems with men. We all have good things going for ourselves, but for some reason can not seem to get a grip on our love and relationship departments. I prefer to keep my friends' names anonymous, but all of us have our own individual difficulties with guys. Friend #1 is knock out gorgeous, and I am not just saying that because she is my friend, anyone on the street would agree with this opinion. The girl is a fashionista, has a job, her own car, and goes to school. But she can never seem to get a man because guys her age are always intimidated by her.
Friend #2 is the sweetest "girl next door" type of person. She goes to school, has her own car, is an aspiring teacher and donates a lot of time to her church. But for some reason all she seems to attract is gay guys, and finding a straight guy for her is equivalent to finding someone who legally downloads music: not entirely impossible but definitely not common.
Friend #3 has to be the worse case of all! Beautiful girl, family oriented, works and goes to school, has her own apartment, and also has a boyfriend but can't seem to find a spark in the bedroom. As for myself, I can't seem to attract a guy who wants to be with just me or admit he wants an open relationship. So in other words, I can get but can never keep a man. What is going on here? All of us are attractive, smart, down-to-earth, fun-loving and generally good hearted young people. But our love lives are pathetic roadkill!
Is it because we are too independent? Based on the observations that I have been making on friends or people in my area, majority of the girls or guys who are in relationships are generally taking a lot of bullshit from their partners. Is that why we are still single, because we won't settle for less? Because we won't be some one's storage shed? Because we want sincerity and not to be manipulated? Do not be mistaken, and think that I am just crying and throwing a pity party because I am still single--being single definitely has its benefits. But I would like to think there are a lot of other people out there who are in the same predicaments as me and my friends, but the only difference between them and me is that I actually ask "why?"
Why is a good man so hard to find? And why is it that someone who wants one has to be labeled desperate, high maintenance, snobbish, idealistic or asking for too much? Is it really too much to ask for someone to keep your company who doesn't bore you to tears rambling on and on about their ex, when they voluntarily offered the information and you have no interest in it? Or is it too much to ask for someone who doesn't just want to show you off as arm candy and actually takes the time to get to know you? Is it too much to not want to have the biggest question burdening your mind when meeting a new guy "is he gay or straight"? Are we asking for too much to not want a guy to be so indecisive about whether he wants to have sex with you or not?
Perhaps its just us, maybe we are attracting the wrong guys and blowing off the good ones. Or maybe all the good men are with other good men or women. Or maybe its just that SACRAMENTO MEN SUCK! Whatever the reason is, if there are any good, single gay or straight men who are scared of being found--they should know that there are some great men and women who are getting quite tired of playing hide and seek. So ready or not, here we come!
Later my little monsters!
Mikey was HERE.
Hello gorgeous.
So this is just a list of some things I think every gay guy should know. Most of them are made off of mere observation, or just my personal opinion. And of course there are PLENTY of things every gay guy should know, and these may not apply to everyone, but they should still be very interesting.
#10 - YOU ARE GAY, and yes people are going to stare. To some hetero people, they are just fascinated by gay people, to them we're like unicorns in a zoo that they just have to gawk at. There's pretty much nothing you can do about it. No matter how you try to mask it, hide it or avoid it--its just bound to happen! You're not normal and never will be, and that is not a bad thing! But there is something about the way you walk, the way you talk, your mannerisms, gestures and demeanor that gives off that you are gay. There's no need in being insecure about it, if they want to stare then let them! Hell why not give them a show while you're at it? As long as its not getting violent, don't worry about anybody watching you.
#9 - Yes doll face you are beautiful. You are cute, handsome and have a wicked sex appeal. But do not get full of yourself. Just because you look good does not mean you are the hottest thing walking. Whether you know it or not, there are about 20 other guys who look way better than you. I mean they blow you out of the water, you would probably rush home to change your outfit if one of them was in your proximity. So do not get too full of yourself. Confidence is one thing, but no one wants to be around some one arrogant and snobby. Beauty is only skin deep, and looks are not everything.
#8 - Everyone is different, and each gay person has something to bring to the table. Just because someone is not the "typical" gay does not mean they should be an outcast in the community. All gay boys do not shop at the same places, some of them have individual styles. All gay guys are not obsessed with being in "the scene", some of them prefer to steer away from all the drama and drive for popularity. Contrary to popular belief, every gay guy is also not obsessed with Beyonce, Lady Gaga or Britney Spears--some of them have different music tastes like neo-soul or rock. But there should not be divisions in the community, we should all acknowledge one another for our individual traits and contributions.
#7 - Every gay guy needs a hag. Hags are practically the backbone of the gay community. Every man needs a woman, and gay guys are no exception! Straight girls and gay boys just seem to go together! They are supportive, comforting, encouraging and they go hand in hand with a gay! Every boy should have at least one straight girl friend, and most straight girls would be more than thrilled to have a gay friend (some of them treat us like collector's items and try to get as many as possible). Besides, who else are you going to go shopping with, take to prom, drag to the club, and cruise cute guys with?
#6 - Just like every gay guy needs a hag, he also needs to know or have a lesbian friend! Lesbians are gay just like you and although they have their own struggles and drama, they usually share the same ones as you. Plus they're not that bad to have around to kick some ass when you get into confrontation.
#5 - Stop setting standards on people! Gay guys have been accused of being too shallow, and to be honest the accusation has some validity in it. A lot of gay guys are really superficial and set these ridiculous standards on what type of guys they will and will not date or have sex with. They have to be a particular ethnicity, height, weight, masculine or feminine, top or bottom, openly gay or DL, and its all preposterous! You have no idea where you are going find happiness. Stop limiting your options of happiness by being so shallow and narrow minded. Accept people as they are and quit being so shallow and judgmental.
#4 - STOP THE WAR ON FEM GUYS! Some gay guys have the audacity to attack and consider themselves better than a lot of feminine gay guys because they are more masculine than them. NEWSFLASH, you're just as gay as them! Gay is gay, there are no subdivisions or superiority pyramids. Instead of looking down your nose at fem guys you need to be taking your hat off to them. They take a lot of blows for the gay community because they are consistently condemned and criticized for being as they are. No everyone does not have to love fem guys, nor date them or have sex with them. We are allowed to have preferences, but at the end of the day we are all gay! And some masculine guys think that fem guys are "so annoying"--what makes you think YOU aren't annoying? Walking around being egotistical, machismo and boasting this silly bravado can be just as annoying and bothersome as a guy who squeals and carries a purse. Don't be mad at a fem guy because YOU don't have the balls to wear skin tight jeans and do a fierce strut! Let them do their thing as they let you do yours.
#3 - EVERY man does not want to be gay. Even in today's age where everybody practically has a little "gay" in them, there are plenty of men who solely like women. This whole "trying to convert straight guys" thing is ridiculous and dangerous. You can not CHANGE someone who does not want to be changed! By sleeping with a guy there is no guarantee that he will become gay afterwards. Some gay guys will go on and on saying how they want to "convert their straight friend" by having sex with him. What kind of friend are you? What kind of friend tries to manipulate a straight friend for the benefit of blabbing to everyone that they did it? How would you like it if your straight girl friend tried to "convert you into being straight"? If you are secure with your sexual identity then fine, and if you stumble across someone who is curious that is fine too--but don't go around trying to change straight men.
#2 - Stop perpetuating the usage of the word "fag" or "faggot". It is a very hurtful, derogatory, degrading word ESPECIALLY when it is used in an attempt by one gay guy to hurt another. Its self-hatred and painful, particularly when gay guys use it amongst each other. In some aspects it can be used in a playful manner, but everyone is not comfortable with it. When ever I hear it I cringe a little; it can be so brutal and piercing. If we do not stop using it to hurt one another, it only makes it easier for non-gay people to use it against us as well.
#1 - Be true to yourself. Love starts at home, and you have to learn to love yourself before you try to love anyone else. We all are beautiful people, and I believe that we were each created by a higher power for a reason and it is our destiny to figure out what that reason was and carry it out. But you only get one life, so live it to the max! Stay healthy, practice safe sex and love one another! And if you are ashamed of who you are, or anything you do for that matter, then maybe YOU SHOULD NOT BE DOING IT THEN.
Later my little monsters!
Mikey was HERE.
Hello gorgeous.
So I don't know if the cosmos is out of whack or something, but a lot of peculiar things have been happening to me lately. Yesterday was my friend Jacy's birthday (2nd birthday this week) and my friend Caylan and I decided to take her out. So we all went downtown to the Jazz Festival, and had a fairly good time. If you are not a Sacramento native, you may not be too familiar with the light rail. Basically the light rail is a train system that transports people all over the city (similar to a subway but it isn't underground).
All three of us head over to the 7th & K St. light rail stop to wait for our train so we can head back to Jacy's car which is parked at the Meadowview light rail station. We walk towards the stop, and once we get there my friend Caylan stops us and tells us to turn around. Near some bushes in front of an alleyway near the street is a middle aged black couple, doing very obscene and bizarre things. Now because it is dark and at night, they are not entirely visible. HOWEVER if you were to walk past them on the streets they would be in plain sight. When we turn around my friend Jacy gasps and I exclaim, "Oh my gosh is he sucking her toes?" My friend Caylan goes on to say, "Yes he is, but don't stare!"
Me being as over-dramatic as I am, OF COURSE I can't stop staring or repeating, "Oh my gosh he's sucking her toes! He's really sucking her toes!" If that isn't repulsing and peculiar enough, it gets worse! The woman then goes on to pull his shorts down and begins to perform oral sex on him! We were mortified! Living in Sacramento, and being unfortunately forced to take public transportation until my finances see fit to get me a vehicle, I very frequently see some strange things. But that crossed the line.
Some people seem to have no decency or shame! I am a big fan of PDA (public display of affection) but I have to draw the line at some place. Those people or like my friend Caylan prefers to call them, "Crazies" were all the way over the line, building a house with a picket white fence, and starting their own neighborhood of other little Crazies! What if a law enforcer had walked by and saw that? Or what if a child had walked by and witnessed it? And for them to be adults they should know better than to do that. Also being that they were right by an alleyway, if they seriously could not wait to "get busy" why couldn't they have gone down there where no one could have seen them? Its disgusting, tasteless, and a crying shame! People like them need to be quarantined! It should be a national law, that dirty middle aged people should not be allowed to practically have sex on the streets where everyone can see them! Hmph, talk about having no class! So for any couples or individuals who are fans of PDA and enjoy engaging in it, PLEASE draw the line at kissing. Anything more intense than that should be confined to the privacy of your bedroom!
Later my little monsters!
Mikey was HERE.
Hello gorgeous.
I would first like to say that I am very new to this whole "blogging" thing. But since no one ever reads anything I write on Myspace or Facebook, and this whole site is dedicated to blogging, AND it seems to be the new craze, why not give it a try? "When in Rome" right?Today I was struck with some very interesting new thoughts (as I often am) while hanging out with my friends Brandon and Amber. For one, Brandon is gay and today was his 18th birthday. While treating him to some ice cream we began to talk about dating and guys. He was saying that he does not have or want a cell phone anytime soon. I responded by saying, "This is 2009! How do you even exist without a cell phone?"He went on to say one of the most profound and stimulating things I had heard all day. "If a guy likes me, he'll make the effort to see me. The fact that I don't have a phone is just a test to see how bad he wants to go out with me. Any guy who is not worth my time won't make the effort." And while initially the fact of having no phone seems practically impossible to me (I mean seriously, I can't go an hour or more without texting!) I think my friend Brandon might be on to something!We live in a very technical era, and the people of my generation have so many technical advances that were not available, even 20 years ago. Internet, cell phones, online social networks, music that can be downloaded; these things were nonexistent until now. Not to say that technology is a bad thing, but when it comes to socializing I think it makes us a little lazy. From personal experience, I have found that it is much easier to talk to someone by texting them or chatting online opposed to meeting up with them in person or even calling them. We live in an era of online social networks where we can be connected to people who live across the country and even across the globe!--and there is nothing wrong with that. But it seems most people are meeting and dating other people via Myspace, Downelink, Facebook etc. rather than in person like "The Old Days".Call me old fashioned, but there is something exhilariting, enchanting and thrilling about meeting someone in person rather than talking to them online prior to meeting them. I like the thrill of walking up to someone and introducing myself to them, or having them do it to me. The chemistry, the exchnage of information, the exchange of numbers--these things my friends appear to be going out of style. Is meeting someone in person going vintage, or even worse "out" entirely? I seriously hope that the consistent technical advances of our generation does not make us all lazy computer geeks, and forget how to interact with one another in person!
Later my little monsters!
Mikey was HERE.
