It Ain't Over Til Its Over!

Hello gorgeous.

Summer surely is here and it hot as hell! I can't complain too much, however individuals such as my self with darker skin tend to curse the heat--we always get darker! Then again the saying goes, "the darker the berry the sweeter the juice"--but I think some dark skinned fool just made that up to feel good about himself!

Anyway, I was talking with my best friend earlier this week and we were discussing how it felt like our pasts were becoming too overwhelming in our present. Whether it was particular individuals or situations, the past seemed to be getting a little too close for comfort in our current lives. Which sprouted into a question and the birth of this blog: what are you supposed to do when your past is so vividly apart of your present?

Well I think "the past" needs to have its own definition in order for me to further elaborate! To me, the past is only really the past when the situations or people from it no longer linger around in the present. For example, can you really say someone you used to date is in "your past" if you never stop thinking about, missing, loving, or resenting them? Or can you say that you are over someone you used to be friends with if the hurt, animosity or guilt never gets resolved? Are the things that happened weeks, months, or years ago ever really over if there is never any completion?

Perhaps the things that happened before can not be labeled as "the past" if there is never any closure. If we end a situation, friendship or relationship and still carry around the baggage up to now, are we being true to ourselves to say it is over? Generally when people say something is in "the past" they mainly mean that they are over it, or have been trying to move on. But if there was never any resolution or completion how the hell can you move on?! Where are you going to go, except in one big circle? A story is not really a story with a beginning and no ending.

Personally there are numerous situations and relationships that I have been involved in and I can say that they are in the past--mainly because I sincerely am over and done with it. I do not carry around any excess baggage, unresolved feelings, or animosity. I have personally taken the time out to resolve it internally within myself, or externally with the other person, and I have moved on! But I have to be fair and say that there are things that I am not entirely over; things or people that I still resent and I can not say these things are in the past because they are still apart of my present life. Whether I think about it rarely or every day, they have not come full circle and therefore are not over.

So if the past is so vividly entwined with your present, maybe it is for a reason! I am a person about progression and advancement--therefore holding grudges are pointless to me. No I am not perfect, which means I am not the best at forgiving and letting go, but I sure as hell aim to be! To say that you forgive someone means to except the person and the situation for what it is and to really let it all go. So many of us tell ourselves lies that we are over things that we really are not, and then we wonder why we can't ever be happy, keep a stable relationship, and attract so much negativity. If things are still unresolved, we most likely need to address them so we can grow and move on. If it is meant to still be in our lives then it will prove just that, and if it does not it is up to us to finish that story so it can finally come to its ending. I know I have a few stories that I need to finish, and I plan on closing each and every one. Besides, what else is there to do in this heat?!

Later my little monsters!

Mikey was HERE.

A GOOD Man Is Hard To Find!

Hello gorgeous.

This Tuesday I returned from a mini vay-cay to a resort in the Bay Area. It was refreshing and allowed me to rest my mind, and also prepare it for the busy summer that is awaiting me!

Yesterday (Thursday) I hosted a small get together with some friends for a last minute barbecue my brother decided to have. 3 of my female friends came over, and we had a fairly good time. And it is practically inevitable that three girls and a gay guy left in a room would soon commence to gossiping and putting our jaws to work. And amongst the many things we have in common, one of the main things just so happens to be our problems, issues, and mishaps with men.

I find it rather sad that of our little quartet that any of us are having problems with men. We all have good things going for ourselves, but for some reason can not seem to get a grip on our love and relationship departments. I prefer to keep my friends' names anonymous, but all of us have our own individual difficulties with guys. Friend #1 is knock out gorgeous, and I am not just saying that because she is my friend, anyone on the street would agree with this opinion. The girl is a fashionista, has a job, her own car, and goes to school. But she can never seem to get a man because guys her age are always intimidated by her.

Friend #2 is the sweetest "girl next door" type of person. She goes to school, has her own car, is an aspiring teacher and donates a lot of time to her church. But for some reason all she seems to attract is gay guys, and finding a straight guy for her is equivalent to finding someone who legally downloads music: not entirely impossible but definitely not common.

Friend #3 has to be the worse case of all! Beautiful girl, family oriented, works and goes to school, has her own apartment, and also has a boyfriend but can't seem to find a spark in the bedroom. As for myself, I can't seem to attract a guy who wants to be with just me or admit he wants an open relationship. So in other words, I can get but can never keep a man. What is going on here? All of us are attractive, smart, down-to-earth, fun-loving and generally good hearted young people. But our love lives are pathetic roadkill!

Is it because we are too independent? Based on the observations that I have been making on friends or people in my area, majority of the girls or guys who are in relationships are generally taking a lot of bullshit from their partners. Is that why we are still single, because we won't settle for less? Because we won't be some one's storage shed? Because we want sincerity and not to be manipulated? Do not be mistaken, and think that I am just crying and throwing a pity party because I am still single--being single definitely has its benefits. But I would like to think there are a lot of other people out there who are in the same predicaments as me and my friends, but the only difference between them and me is that I actually ask "why?"

Why is a good man so hard to find? And why is it that someone who wants one has to be labeled desperate, high maintenance, snobbish, idealistic or asking for too much? Is it really too much to ask for someone to keep your company who doesn't bore you to tears rambling on and on about their ex, when they voluntarily offered the information and you have no interest in it? Or is it too much to ask for someone who doesn't just want to show you off as arm candy and actually takes the time to get to know you? Is it too much to not want to have the biggest question burdening your mind when meeting a new guy "is he gay or straight"? Are we asking for too much to not want a guy to be so indecisive about whether he wants to have sex with you or not?

Perhaps its just us, maybe we are attracting the wrong guys and blowing off the good ones. Or maybe all the good men are with other good men or women. Or maybe its just that SACRAMENTO MEN SUCK! Whatever the reason is, if there are any good, single gay or straight men who are scared of being found--they should know that there are some great men and women who are getting quite tired of playing hide and seek. So ready or not, here we come!

Later my little monsters!

Mikey was HERE.